Featured Fiction - January

Happy Ending, F@!#tard?

--- Sarah Luo

“Turn to page 175 in your books.” Professor Germaine announced as papers rustled with students speaking in hushed whispers to each other. 

“Ok, DNA...” Prof. Germaine continued, but his voice drowned out as I continued to daydream along. As a biology major, this stuff came as easy as reading to me. I just couldn’t understand why I had to keep taking this class over and over again. It’s all the same, it never changes nor will it ever change. I stared blankly at the chalkboard as he wrote down the characteristics of DNA and its helical shape. Blah, blah, blah, RNA, transcription. My stream of thought was interrupted with a tap on my shoulder. 

“Hi! My name is Donny.” This annoying kid with messy brunette hair whispered holding out his hand to shake. I looked at him skeptically. 

“Hi. I’m Jen.” I responded, shaking his hand shortly. 

‘Donny, what is Donny short for? Daniel? Dominic? Donald?’ I thought to myself as he continued to stare creepily at me. I shot him a look while he quickly turned away acting as if he was doing something else. 

Class seemed to be an eternity before it was finally over. As I was leaving the lecture hall, Donny stopped me again. 

“Stupid class, huh?” He asked, trying to make conversation. I merely nodded, not acknowledging his presence. “Sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my time here.” He continued. I looked up at him. 

“Wasting your time? College isn’t a place for you to waste your time.” I replied sternly, hoping I’d scare him away. He was tall, maybe 6 feet, skinny, but the lean muscle was visible. He was paler than I had realized under the lighting of the lecture hall and he also had freckles that were ridiculously faint, but still noticeable. He eyed me suspiciously. 

“You’re a paradox. You seemed uninterested...as if it were a waste of your time in class, but now you try to tell me that I’m wrong in saying it WAS a waste of time?” He argued stopping me in my tracks. Frustrated, I stopped him on the quad. 

“Look, Donny, what is it that you want from me? If it’s casual conversation, I don’t have time to stand here and make small talk.” I said finishing off the useless words here and now.

“I just figured I’d try to make a friend, jeez.” He replied innocently, his eyes growing softer. 

“Ok, well it was nice talking to you Donny. See you around.” I walked away briskly, avoiding his gaze and making sure I walked fast enough that he couldn’t catch up.

     What the hell was with this guy? I didn’t even know him. He could’ve picked some other girl, anyone but me. First semester of my freshmen year was hard enough as it was, I didn’t need this guy taking up all my time. Terrified of any emotional commitment, I stayed away from him. But he persisted. He’d talk to me everyday, making sure I responded, or else he’d poke me until I did. It was as if he had never matured and he was a five year old stuck in a teenager’s body. He just wouldn’t leave me alone. 

      Resistant as I was, I couldn’t keep my wall up as long as I had hoped. He began to grow on me and soon enough we became the best of friends. Getting to know him more, he was charismatic, passionate, and caring. He was friendly to virtually everyone, he loved everything about his major and his life, and he was open and willing to help anyone he met. Pretty soon, he became the kind of guy I wouldn’t mind dating. It was confusing to me how someone I initially loathed so much could eventually become potential boyfriend material. And I was picky, really picky. I always wanted to spend more time with him, but our time together began decreasing slowly. He got caught up with the social aspect of his student groups and since we were in complete different majors, I wasn’t a part of that social life. We talked occasionally, sending a text here or there, but it just wasn’t the same anymore.

     After secretly liking him for two years, I finally had the courage to tell him I had feelings for him. A text seemed too nonchalant for something like this, but then a call would have been awkward if he didn’t have the same feelings for me. Eventually, after deep consideration, the text seemed like the best way to go. I tried my best to make it sound casual, in case he didn’t have the same feelings, but at the same time suggestive enough so that he would get what I was saying. I waited and waited....and waited....and waited some more for his response, but I never got one. 

     I saw him the next day in the library. I approached him hesitantly, unsure of exactly how I was supposed to be feeling or how I was supposed to act towards him. He looked up and smiled, that same smile he gave me the first day we met. 

“Jen! Where have you been lately?” He asked hugging me tightly. I hugged back, breathing in his unique smell. It wasn't just a single cologne or body spray, it was always two different kinds mixed in with the smell of his laundry detergent. No one would ever smell like him. 

“Around. Hey I was wondering, did you ever get my text?” I asked him curiously, jumping the gun a bit perhaps. His face fell a little. 

“Oh, ya. I’m sorry, I was a bit busy yesterday, but I want you to know Jen, I think of you as a best friend. I don’t really have romantic feelings for you in that way. I love you to death as my best friend though, don’t get me wrong.” He said trying to cushion the blow. My heart dropped making my breath shorten. I smiled, maintaning my composure. 

“It’s ok Donny, I love you as my best friend too.” I responded following with a quick excuse for my leave of absence immediately following his rejection. 

For some reason, this rejection hit me a lot harder than any other I had encountered before. I’d met plenty of guys I had been attracted to. I had never actually confronted them before about my feelings, but even then, these feelings seemed especially strong. It took me a long time before I could finally recover from the pain of the rejection, but eventually I forgot all about it and Donny and I were back to being best friends. 

     Over the course of three years we both dated different people whilst remaining the best of friends. Despite that, at the very bottom of my heart I still had those same special feelings for Donny. At the beginning of my senior year, both Donny and I were single, having just begun recovering from long relationships. We seemed to spend much more time together and those times made senior year so much more memorable. Spending more time with him made me find those feelings that I had buried so deep inside me again. I pressured myself to keep them down and this time, I buried them deeper and kept a lock on it. My feelings were so deep, I was completely oblivious to his advances. 

     At midnight, before the start of a new year, we stood at the top of a large cliff and watched the fireworks as they went off over the city. The night sky was brightened with several different colors and the booms made us feel small. It was below freezing outside and I was shivering unconsciously. Donny stood behind me wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight, transferring his body heat to me. I leaned back into his chest as he lowered his chin into the crook of my neck. It was perfect...except that we weren’t actually a couple. Right as the fireworks were ending, he turned me around, looked into my eyes, tilted up my chin, and kissed me ever so gently. Almost immediately, the feelings I had buried broke free and almost made a violent escape out of my body towards him. I couldn’t ever forget about him and I knew I was doomed. 

     From that moment on, Donny and I talked more and definitely had a much more physically intimate relationship. There was just one thing. We weren’t an official couple. We were basically friends with benefits. We didn’t go on one real date and we never actually had “the talk” about what exactly our relationship was. I just took it at face value, because I was so afraid of losing this one guy I had actually truly loved all through college. Every time I saw him, all we would do was make out and focus on the physical aspect of a relationship, and it seemed as though none of it was emotional for him. This went on for five months. I had never been happier than in those five months, but at the same time, I had never been that emotionally confused in my life. 

     I never could decide if I wanted to confront him about our odd relationship and he never brought it up, shrugging it off as if it weren't a real big deal. If we were ever confronted about our relationship by other friends, he’d make up some stupid excuse to avoid the deeper, more specific questions. Eventually, it became tiring. I loved him more than I could understand, but even after a while, it’s hard to sit aside and watch perhaps your only real relationship slowly go down the drain. Before I could muster up, yet again, enough courage to confront him of our pointless relationship, one small action ended it cleanly.

     The weekend of his birthday, his friends from his student groups were throwing a large party at a nearby lake house. It seemed to be a big party and almost everyone was invited. That was, except me. I hadn’t even known it existed until my roommate dragged me off to it because she was invited. I wasn’t exactly one of the most “popular” students, if that even applied in college, but I knew my fair share of nerds and that’s who I chose to spend my time with. Donny was different though. He was friends with everyone, from the athletes to the people in his major to the “popular” frat and sorority people.

     Donny hadn’t told me about the party and I figured he must have forgotten. As my roommate and I walked into the house, everyone was doing the normal college scene, getting drunk or high, or making out everywhere. The scene was already old and I had grown tired of it. The party got boring real soon and I took a break from all the hectic people inside, standing by the lake breathing in the fresh air. The silence was comforting, until I heard a giggle from behind the bushes. I knew I should have minded my own business, but come on, I’m a college student, it’s actually really hard to do that. 

     I peeked behind the bush just barely, but enough to see that Donny and another girl...my roommate, were seconds away from sex. I backed away slowly, sure that I hadn’t been spotted and ran as quickly as possible. I was hurt, but I had no right to be. We weren’t official. We weren’t actually a couple and we weren’t really together. I was just a hookup. A lousy hookup. I didn’t have the right to be angry nor was I actually allowed to think into this whole situation. He was single and unattached and I had just fallen into his trap. There was no happy ending, no matter how much hope I had instilled into this final chance of a relationship. There will be no happy ending...f$&#tard.

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