My Gay Best Friend - January

My Gay Best Friend

--- K.P. Lennox

We’re here to share in your fun.

We share in your misery.

We act as your cuddle-buddy and indulge in an endless list of Rom-Coms—though we secretly wish we could spoon Ryan Reynolds.

We take you shopping and, when necessary, tell you when that J. Crew makes your ass look ginormous.

And who else could you count on to answer your teary, 3 AM phone calls, or bitch-slap your soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, or even make out with you after drinking entirely too much tequila?

Yes, we are the almighty gay best friend. As Teen Vogue said so poignantly, we’re even better than that brand new Coach bag all you bitches are slobbering over. I’m glad they could put us into some perspective over there.

But please, don’t put us on pedestals. We may be called fairies, but there’s nothing magical about us. We, just as any other human, are prone to foibles. Besides, who could honestly desire being 6 inches tall and wearing the same green leotard EVERY. SINGLE. DAY? Okay, maybe there are some fairy fetishists out there, but that is a whole other topic.

But I digress.

This column is an attempt at a small reservoir of wisdom. By attempt I mean that I was quasi-coerced into writing it. There were promises of free alcohol and sexual favors (from girls—naturally I declined). Not that I’ll complain; I love giving advice. I pride myself as a source of knowledge on all things—just ask and I’ll tell you that I do know everything.

I’m primarily here to answer questions and act as a sort of digital GBF (gay best friend) with the occasional splash of diva! Just as a warning, I tend to be a bit of a cynical bitch at times; so please prepare for the best but expect the worst.

On that note: a small disclaimer about language. I do not tolerate racism, sexism, or any other type of prejudice. However, the usage by me of faggot or dyke and/or the mentioning of “sucking dick” or “dumping that asshole already” and some other terms or euphemisms deemed uncouth or dirty by the more conservative generations may be encountered. So please, if you have a problem with diction such as the aforementioned, avert your motherfucking eyes.

For the wise advice from our GBF, please send all questions to ealadvice@gmail.com and your question may be answered in the next issue!!