Featured Fiction - March

Nine Isn't Nearly Enough

--- Lena Lam

     She was already propped up on the pillows when he popped his head in. "Good morning, hot stuff," he said with a grin before walking into the room. Damn, she looked even paler than yesterday, he thought.

     She laughed half-heartedly at the greeting she heard everyday. Today was slightly different though; he was trying too hard. She gave up trying to move the corners of her lips upward and just looked at him. He had brought the usual: nine long-stemmed flowers and his guitar case. 

     Nine because it's an "everlasting" number. Half a year ago, she was touched that he remembered what she told him about lucky numbers and actions, which he had scoffed at because he didn't believe in superstition. Today, seeing the nine flowers made her scowl at him. He pretended not to notice though as he set down his case on the plastic chair next to the bed.
     "So, what have you been up to today?" He kissed her forehead and playfully tugged at her cap. Out of habit, she raised her hand to fix her hair before remember why she wore the cap...which reminded her of their conversation with the doctor yesterday.
     "What are you doing here? You have work today, and you should just...go," she finished lamely. She knew that he had been there for her during all of the chemotherapy, supporting her when she lost her first handful of hair and when she couldn't keep down any kind of food. But, over the past 18 hours, she had come to the conclusion that not only was it all for nothing, but she just didn't believe anymore.
     He ignored her comment and just held her hand. His smile faltered for half a second when he noticed the absence of the ring he had given her, but he didn't ask about why it was on the bedside table instead of on her finger. He opened his mouth to tell her about some ridiculously trivial thing the neighbor did this morning, but when he glanced up, he noticed that she was staring out the window again. He hated it when she pushed him away like this, but at the same time, it hurt him to see her so lifeless. Not that word, he thought, mentally slapping himself. It hurt him to see her give up so quickly after fighting so hard all along.

     "Hey, wanna hear a song? C'mon, guess what it is." Guitar ready, he was back to smiling as if he had just discovered something extraordinarily precious. It was a game they played on their first date and every consequent date. She glanced at him with a blank yet weary expression before going back to gazing at the garden on the other side of the window.
     He started humming before strumming notes on his guitar. Recognizing the song immediately, she froze, the name of the song stuck in her throat. He just continued humming and looked at her before starting at her favorite part.
     "Yeah I know, I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me," he drew out every word and she couldn't help but turn towards him. "And it's so, it's so sad to think she don't see what I see..."
     He paused and for the first time that day, his smile was tinged with sadness. After a few seconds, he continued with the song. "But every time she asks me 'Do I look okay?' I say..."
     "When I see your face," his voice had dropped to a whisper. "There's not a thing that I would change...'cause you're amazing...just the way you are."
     As he was finishing up the song, she marvelled at her ability to keep from breaking down and bawling her eyes out. He set his guitar aside and they sat there silently for what seemed like a million years to her.
     "Don't worry. It'll be fine," he whispered before kissing her cheek. She promptly broke down and started to bawl her eyes out while he put his arms around her.

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